Something's Not Quite Right

Have you ever woken up in the morning after a massive night out and realized something’s not quite right?

Perhaps you woke up on your bathroom floor. Perhaps there was a mysterious vomit next to your bed you swear wasn’t yours. Perhaps you woke up in someone else’s bed next to a guy wearing hot pink budgie smugglers.

These are all very possible scenarios in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs.

A few Saturdays ago I woke up after a big night out and something definitely wasn’t right. My bottom lip was throbbing, I looked in the mirror and it was double the size, bruised and very red.

You know those Double Bay housewives you see, cruising around in their Range Rovers with recently plumped lips? I looked like the western suburbs trailer park version who had a botch job done in Thailand!

Re-tracing my steps from the night before I started running possible explanations through my head. Did it get caught on something? Did someone hit me? Was I having an extremely raunchy pash with a sexy guy who got carried away (here’s hoping)?

It wasn’t any of the above and after chatting to friends and gaining hazy memories from the night before I pieced together the puzzle.

I was standing at the bar talking to a guy I’d just met through friends of friends. I can’t remember what the conversation was about exactly but it was something boring about his new job. Out of nowhere the guy leans in, not for an unexpected kiss but a very weird and intrusive bite of my bottom lip!

Admittedly I do have biggish lips but not big enough to warrant the overwhelming temptation to chew on them! He continued to bite down on my bottom lip as I tried to pull away. After finally ripping his teeth off my lip, a swift shove in the chest, look of disgust and abusive “you f-ing freak” comment I left in search of ice.

Lesson Learnt: Watch out for weirdo lip biters in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs.

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