Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb

Night at The Club-Kings Cross

We all have our alter ego’s that come out to play when the line of sobriety gets crossed. Some get sloppy, others aggressive, some are slutty and some are just plain silly. This part of the story is about two of my closest girlfriends who, for the purpose of this post I will call Tweedle (Dee) and Tweedle (Dum). For Dee and Dum their alter ego’s are like those naughty kids you see on kiddy-leads in the supermarket opening packets of lollies and stealing nuts from the fruit and veg section.

After our boozy dinner at NBI we headed back home to Darlinghurst. Drinks continued to flow with Kettle One vodka, lime and sodas all round. A subdued option for the evening would have been to join friends in Hyde Park for the opening night of the Sydney Festival and have a picnic. Instead we were lured to the Cross.

From our front door to the bottom of Bayswater road is approximately 4 minutes. Hugos and The Club are the first bars we hit on our walk and due to this fact they tend to be the most frequented, too distracting to walk past.

After more drinks at Hugos we found ourselves highly intoxicated in The Club bathroom. It became clear Dee and Dums alter ego’s were out to play when I found them in an ocean of white toilet paper, spilling out of the cubicle. A group of amused fans began snapping photos on their iphones as Dee and Dum draped the toilet paper across their heads with rather creative Rapunzal impersonations.

The commotion also attracted a bouncer who sternly instructed the appropriate disposal of the paper, which they did (or so I thought).

5 minutes later on the dance floor…

From the bar it looked like a white party had exploded on to the dance floor as people started throwing toilet paper up in the air. It was like an old school rave everyone was going nuts cheering and waving their hands in the air grabbing at the paper. In the corner Dee and Dum were giggling as the last piece of paper fell from Dee’s bag. It was pretty hilarious to watch.

What wasn’t so funny was the conversation that followed:

Bouncer: “You girls are out of here” *points at Dee and Dum

Dee: “Now come on wait a minute I’m sure we can discuss this in an orderly manner. Please tell us why you feel the need to throw us out of here”? *Said in a sweet and calm voice with puppy dog eyes battering*

Bouncer grabs Dee in a head lock, Dum around the wrist and turns to me

Bouncer: “Are you friends with them?

Me: “Yes”


Bouncer grabs my arm behind my back and escorts the 3 of us out.

Please note: None of us are particularly big girls, we’re all rather weedy but one giant bouncer managed to escort us through the toilet papered crowd.

As if things couldn’t get more embarrassing on the way out we ran into Dum’s ex-boyfriend and his friends who witnessed our very public booting!

This story does however have a happy ending and is a lesson to anyone who ever gets kicked out of The Club. We walked out of the side entrance as gratiously as possible, walked around the block then waited 15 minutes next to the front entrance. We waited until the big bouncer wasn’t looking then walked straight through the front gate, flashed the door chick our stamps and hit the dance floor like nothing ever happened.

Just another typical night out with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.

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